Love.
Last night, driving home, I was listening to my favorite country station and getting steadily more ticked off. It's not the music- I love country, as Bainwen can attest- but the commentary. The DJ was ripping on a few of the songs, specifically It's Your Love by Tim McGraw and She Don't Tell Me To by Montgomery Gentry. I happen to like them both, and the comments were getting under my skin.
Why?
Well, let's go at it this way.
As I see it, when you love truly, you put all you have in it. You don't hold back, you don't hide things, you don't have a side the other can never see. But, that's what this DJ was suggesting. Every kind act was ridiculed as being full of ulterior motives, or proof that the men had lost their testicular fortitude and rights as men.
In a word, bullshit.
Ex duos, unus. Despite my issues with Catholicism, this is part they have right. In the traditional wedding, the two candles of the individual are used to light a larger candle of a pair. From two there comes one whole.
If you choose to go through life believing that everything has a hidden sinister meaning, I pity you. I choose to love wholly, completely and purely, and that is all I will ever do.
Why?
Well, let's go at it this way.
As I see it, when you love truly, you put all you have in it. You don't hold back, you don't hide things, you don't have a side the other can never see. But, that's what this DJ was suggesting. Every kind act was ridiculed as being full of ulterior motives, or proof that the men had lost their testicular fortitude and rights as men.
In a word, bullshit.
Ex duos, unus. Despite my issues with Catholicism, this is part they have right. In the traditional wedding, the two candles of the individual are used to light a larger candle of a pair. From two there comes one whole.
If you choose to go through life believing that everything has a hidden sinister meaning, I pity you. I choose to love wholly, completely and purely, and that is all I will ever do.
posted by Tirithien at 10:18 PM
16 Comments:
It takes a great deal of courage to love, and it is not something that should be done suspiciously or half-assedly. :-)
Sounds to me like the words of someone who has never been in a real relationship.
Love is a complicated thing no matter how much you'd like to simplify it. I'm sure Bainwen can tell you that. And you don't love wholly, completely and purely. And the fact that you think you do is extremely naive.
For the record, this isn't a slam against your relationship. You just feel that way because you don't know any better.
How can you not mean it as a slam when you just said our relationship isn't real? That's the way your wording seems to go.
It is indeed possible to love without cynicism, and though I'll never deny that love brings its complications, they should be ones that make life better.
Allow me to rephrase that-
"Sounds to me like the words of someone who hasn't been in many real relationships"
Better?
And you're right - the complications SHOULD make life better - but for whom? I'm not trying to make this personal, Bainwen. And because of our past history, I think that no matter what I say, you're going to take it that way. So I'm just going to drop it.
But you know what I'm talking about.
I did enter your short story contest, you know. Trying to be peaceable.
Anyway, the complications should make life better in the long run for both participants in the relationship. ("Long run" being the key phrase there.) And if they don't, someone has to have courage enough to leave-- which is just what I was trying to gather my courage for about a year ago.
Complicated, AC?
How about having a girlfriend turn up pregnant by another guy? How about having your heart torn apart?
Don't tell me of complications.
That's exactly what I'm talking about Tithrien. Did you love her the same after she got pregnant by another guy?
I would have married her. Enough said?
That wasn't my question. Love and marriage are often two entirely different things.
Did you love her the same?
My love for her didn't change. Thus is my end to this public debate. If you want to keep going, I suggest a more private medium.
For the record, you're the one who put it out in public.
For the record, I'm no longer debating this here.
Bainwen, I really like you and I'm sorry for all the stupid things I've done.
Odd thing to say and odd place to say it. But, okay. I accept the apology in the spirit it was given.
Now, if I may return the discussion to the original posting...
I just looked up the lyrics for "She Don't Tell Me To."
Has that DJ who was making fun of it listened to the song at all? Even once? The entire point is that the guy is doing these things because his lady is NOT trying to control him!
It reminds me, actually, of a line from the Jack Nicholson movie As Good As It Gets. (This is the only line of the movie that stuck with me, so bear with me here.) Jack plays a curmudgeon with OCD who, in spite of his best curmudgeonly efforts, falls in love with Helen Hunt. At one point he says to her, "You make me want to be a better person."
As I saw the movie when I was younger and more impressionable, that line has kind of stuck with me as a benchmark. If the love makes those involved want to become better people, it's good. If the love involves trying to control and change the OTHER person, it's bad.
A small voice wriggles its way through the heated discourse here, as clew says, I hear what you're saying, T.
The whole "whipped" mentality is put forth by people who long for that sort of connection. And having your heart and soul run through the wood chipper may jade you a bit, but doesn't mean you're incapable of really, truly, fully opening yourself to & with someone and becoming one. True, the more hurt you've endured, the more cautious you may be. But nothing worth having nor fully appreciated ever comes easy.
Hugs to all 3 of you here. I can identify everywhere.
It is easy to "fall in love"...harder to stay in love. Like anything worthwhile it requires attention and work....without one controlling the other. The lighting of the candles is of great signifigance.....the two individuals joining to become one whole as T said. And no one should judge anothers realtionship unless a request has been made to do so.
Thanks for keeping my chair warm, T.
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